Another China Post

By now you are tired of all the China stories, but there are some things I never want to forget:

There is a 15 hour time difference between here and Beijing. This makes for some wicked jet lag.

Our Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride through the narrow streets of the Hutong. Only, on the Disney ride, there are rails and seat belts and objects that stop before they hit you. In Beijing, Mom and Bob’s rickshaw actually got hit by a bus.

Our tour bus did a 3-point U-turn in the middle of a busy 6 lane highway. Another time we did a U-turn in tandem with another bus.

People stared at us like we were the tourist attraction. Over there, people save their whole lives to go to Beijing once. While the locals are used to us, most other people don’t see Americans often. So they stare.

Margie ate grubs for breakfast!

Getting massages. For an hour and a half. In our room. For $25. They massage and stretch and poke hard over there. And pop your fingers. And put your feet in plastic bags of tea.

The tea plantations are laid out like vineyards. I was taking a picture of some workers, they saw me and called out, “Hello.” I answered back, “Ni Hou.” They thought that was hilarious and started giggling.

King Arthur, our tour guide said, “This is a paradise. There are no earthquakes, tornados, floods, or hurricanes. It is Shan-gorilla.” Which had me completely stumped until I saw the sign for The Shangri-la Inn.

At every stop, vendors run out saying, “Hello, hello, you buy? Only two dallah.” No matter what it is that they are selling: postcards, watches, silk bags, hats, you name it. You can always get it for 2-for-a-dollar, if you bargain. Our tour guide said, “Just wait, they suicide themselves,” meaning they will come down on their own.

Another tour guide told his group that the Emperor lived in the Forbidden City with his wife and 72 cucumbers.

Little kid butts hanging out. The toddlers have no bottoms in their pants. I understand that they don’t use diapers, but what exactly do they do? The kid can’t warn them when they need to go. Is it just a surprise every time?

Every KFC and Pizza Hut had long lines out the door. This is big stuff to them. Of course, if you ate Chinese food all day, everyday, it would be to you too.

Bob Bumps. Bob tripped the second day out. From that time on, we were always warning each other to watch out for the Bob Bumps. We even saw group of them, a real Bob Trap. I will use this phrase for the rest of my life.

Security at the airport made my mom take everything out of her carry-on. When they couldn’t find anything else, they took her toothbrush.

The eel that escaped its basket and slithered down the sidewalk with the owner trying to corral it again.

Apparently, red is for good luck and Georgie Too desperately wanted a pair of red panties. (What kind of luck was she hoping for?) So we went on a mission through the streets of Shanghai so Brad could buy her some.

A lot happened in ten days.